Movie Reviews

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (2021)

hitmans-wifes-bodyguard-movie-review-poster-2021Director: Patrick Hughes

Genre: Action, Comedy, Crime

Runtime: 99 Minutes

Main Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Salma Hayek, Antonio Banderas, Morgan Freeman, Frank Grillo, Richard E. Grant, Gary Oldman, Tom Hopper, Caroline Goodall, Blake Ritson

Plot: Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) is on sabbatical after the events of the first movie, he’s taken a vacation in Capri (like the pants) and he’s given up guns. That all comes crashing down on him very quickly when Sonia Kincaid (Salma Hayek) turns up, guns blazing, to recruit him to help free Sonia’s captured husband Darius (Samuel L. Jackson).

My Thoughts: These big movie releases are really sneaking up on me. It felt like winter and lockdown 3 were never going to end and now here we are, slap bang in the middle of summer! It’s always good to see Ryan Reynolds on the big screen though, even if the movie isn’t good I know I’m in for some fun. Which, as it turns out, is exactly how last night panned out for me. The original Hitman’s Bodyguard movie was decent, but nothing new, and this sequel is…eh. The plot sucks, let me be blunt. It’s textbook comedy/crime/action down to the letter, but the main trio make it worth it.

You’ll be bitterly disappointed if you were hoping for a clever storyline with some jaw-dropping action scenes, but if you’re up for an hour and a half of Ryan Reynolds, Salma Hayek and Samuel L. Jackson kicking ass and being sarcastic a$$holes, then this is the movie for you. Ryan Reynolds gets to be his usual sarcastic self, Samuel L. Jackson gets to say his favourite ‘M’ word at least a dozen times, and Salma Hayek is surprisingly the biggest potty mouth of them all, and they have great chemistry together. I would actually be up for a third movie if it ever happened just for them.

It’s a shame that the plot sucked, but I wouldn’t trade the humour for a better storyline. The movie doesn’t try to be anything more than a fun night at the cinema with a bucket of popcorn. It follows that stereotypical kidnap, revenge, someone you thought was good turned out to be bad, heroes save the day business. All in all, worth a watch if you know what to expect!

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Best Bit: Ryan Reynolds just has no shame, does he? I laughed so hard when his character got thrown into a giant wall of Aviation gin (his own company, if you didn’t already know). I was expecting references to Wrexham Football Club and Mint Mobile to come next. Or did they happen and I just missed them?

Worst Bit: So, when The Change-Up (2011) was released, it was my favourite comedy ever for a long time and I watched it a lot. I mean, A LOT. So much so that Alan Arkin will now forever be known as Ryan Reynolds’ Dad in my mind. So you can imagine my excitement when the mystery built over who Michael Bryce’s father was! The actual reveal was even better though, Ii have to admit.

Fun Trivia: Ryan Reynolds has said of being slapped around in this movie: “In Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, I’m slapped in the face twice by Salma Hayek and once by Samuel L. Jackson. For the record, it was Salma who didn’t pull the punches. Not even once. I can still feel the sharp sting of her tiny hand working its way into my soft Hollywood cheekbones. May God have mercy on her soul.”

My Rating: 3 out of 5 guns that Michael will absolutely not touch, because he’s on sabbatical!

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Random Posts

Badly Drawn Movie Posters: Best of 2020

If you haven’t been lucky enough to be traumatised by any of my previous badly drawn movie posters then today is the day! It’s been too long since my last batch and after a fun-filled family day out, I’m far too tired to try and write anything sensible, so here we are.

There’s a theme, all 5 of these posters are from some of the best movies in 2020. Not necessarily my favourite movies, but certainly universally loved movies from last year. I guess you could argue one of them isn’t technically a movie, but now I’m just giving you free clues. See if you can guess any of them – my husband only got 1 right so he’s sleeping outside tonight.

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badly-drawn-movie-posters-sound-of-metal

badly-drawn-movie-posters-another-round

badly-drawn-movie-posters-hamilton

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Excuse the smudgy mark on that last one, I’d used a load of cream of my hands (heat rash plus hand sanitiser is NOT fun) and smudged it on the paper! 

How do you think you did? Guessed any instantly? Spat out your drink from laughing at my art skills? I’ll give you the answers now, just keep scrolling…

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Here they are! How did you do? Let me know! And if you want to see any of my other badly drawn movie posters, I’ll link them for you now.

Badly Drawn Movie Posters: 2019
Badly Drawn Movie Posters: Christmas

Movie Reviews

A Quiet Place Part II (2021)

a-quiet-place-part-2-movie-poster-reviewDirector: John Krasinski

Genre: Drama, Horror, Sci-Fi

Runtime: 97 Minutes

Main Cast: Emily Blunt, John Krasinski, Millicent Simmonds, Noah Jupe, Cillian Murphy, Djimon Hounsou, Wayne Duvall

Plot: Following the events of the first movie, Evelyn (Emily Blunt) and her remaining family stumble across an old family friend (Cillian Murphy) and their hopes of survival are raised when Regan (Millicent Simmonds) thinks she’s deciphered a code heard on the radio.

My Thoughts: It felt so surreal and bittersweet to be at the cinema for A Quiet Place II, more than a year after it was originally meant to be released. Seconds into the movie I also realised that although I saw the original at the cinema too, it terrified me and I also had company – this time I was alone (with a room of socially distanced strangers I guess, but still). The movie opened with an extended version of the trailer we all must have seen 100 times now, with a glimpse into how the disaster began. It was so tense on the big screen and of course the first jump scare got me by surprise, curse you car horn!

John Krasinski has done it again, folks. Part II is every bit scary, bleak and tense as the original. There are some things that don’t work quite as well. In the original we don’t have a clue where the story is going or who, if anyone, is going to survive. Part II sets out a very clear path and doesn’t deviate from that course, but the wild ride to get there is well worth it. The other members of the Abbott family take a back seat in this movie, leaving Regan to take control of the story and the screen time. It’s a wise choice though, as her deafness creates some prime opportunities for scares.

The biggest thing that confused me was the overall theme that the movie was going for. It was mentioned more than once about how the disaster had changed everyone, how the people left weren’t worth saving and I thought that was going to be a bigger deal than it was. You know, where the real monsters are us humans rather than the creepy things they’re all trying to avoid? Maybe it’ll be something that carries into the third movie.

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Best Bit: I enjoyed the whole movie but the flashback part at the very beginning was just done so well. It was 100% the right decision to not include it in the first movie but it was interesting to see how it started and how quickly everything went to hell. If John Krasinski puts his finger to his lips, you best shut up fast!

Worst Bit: Oh, Marcus (Noah Jupe) was so annoying. How has that kid survived this far, man?! Talk about terrible choices. Other than that, you can tell who in the room had seen the original because of the audible groan when Evelyn walks past that nail in the floorboards – none of us will forget that traumatic moment!

Fun Trivia: Emily Blunt admitted that she was initially hesitant to join the project as she didn’t feel like she could top the first movie. However, she was on board after she heard John Krasinski ‘s pitch of the first bus scene. She also admitted that the first take of that scene is in the movie as she was also terrified in real life by the stunt, which had the bus coming at her at 40 miles per hour.

My Rating: 4 out of 5 cloths that you should TRIPLE CHECK are lying on the door catch correctly!

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Book Reviews

One of Us Is Lying by Karen M. McManus

Can you hear that? It’s the sound of a bell ringing, followed by someone chanting ‘shame, shame, shame’ because I got myself stuck in a YA murder mystery fiction novel. Look, I’ve read a timeless classic (Fahrenheit 451) and a hugely loved novel (Where the Crawdads Sing) in the space of a few months, so allow me some trash to reset myself, okay?

One of Us Is Lying is described as The Breakfast Club meets Pretty Little Liars, and it’s more than a fair comparison in my opinion. A group of teens find themselves in detention together in an unusual circumstance, and one of them dies there. The nature of their death is suspicious and foul play is suspected, but which of them did it?

It would make an excellent Netflix TV show for sure. I can’t help but compare it to 13 Reasons Why and look at the success that show had. I could actually cast the 13RW actors for this group in my head whilst reading. They’re an interesting group of characters and how they develop is easily the best thing about the book. You can’t help but root for them all which makes the fact that one of them is probably a murderer all the more unsettling. I didn’t think it was any of them!

One of Us Is Lying is the first book in a series of 3. The sequel, One of Us Is Next is already out, and the final book, One of Us Is Back is due for release in 2023. I can’t bring myself to read the 2nd book yet because it’s far too long of a wait for the final conclusion! Without spoiling anything though I will say that the first book has a satisfying enough conclusion to be perfectly acceptable as a stand-alone novel.

Movie Reviews

Cruella (2021)

cruella-movie-poster-review-2021Director: Craig Gillespie

Genre: Comedy, Crime

Runtime: 134 Minutes

Main Cast: Emma Stone, Emma Thompson, Joel Fry, Paul Walter Hauser, Mark Strong, John McCrea, Emily Beecham, Tipper Seifert-Cleveland, Kayvan Novak

Plot: Set in London in the 1970’s. a young Estella is determined to make a name for herself in the world of fashion. Forced to live with two fellow thieves whilst they were all still children, Estella grows up surviving through petty crime until she finally gets herself a job working for the designer she admires most, The Baroness.

My Thoughts: I’m in that small camp of people who are all for these live-action Disney remakes. I’m yet to encounter one that butchers a precious childhood memory and most (I’ll admit, not all) have been fantastic, so no complaints from me here. However, I’m not a fan of 101 Dalmatians. I just didn’t really watch it as a kid, so I don’t have that nostalgic tie to it. I have a soft spot for villains though and I’m OBSESSED with Emma Stone, so I’ve been really looking forward to Cruella. Letting Emma Stone unleash her inner crazy side is always the right thing to do.

The movie has it’s issues. The pacing and the long runtime didn’t work at all towards the end. It felt like the movie had come to a satisfying conclusion with an opening to a sequel and then no, there’s still another 30 mins to go so put that popcorn back down! Also, am I meant to be rooting for Jasper and Horace so much? It’s fun because the henchmen are only ever background noise in most movies and yet they almost steal the limelight here.

Emma Thompson makes an excellent villain here. There’s no good vs evil in Cruella, just one evil vs a bigger evil and oh these girls are on fire. I just can’t. It’s taken over a week to make my thoughts coherent, I might actually love Emma Stone more than Adam Driver at this point. She’s the perfect choice for this clumsy girl just trying to make an impression, and somehow even better with the black and white hair and the outfits and the cane and the “darling” and oh, just simply breathtaking. Give the movie a chance, just for me? And stay for the mid-credits to see what’s coming over the horizon from Disney.

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Best Bit: I enjoyed this from the start, but the movie is at it’s best when Cruella finally takes over Estella and the battle between her and The Baroness truly begins. The outfits just keep getting better and better until that moment of ‘oh no, she didn’t, did she?’

Worst Bit: It’s definitely messed up when I find myself happily watching movies about terrorists or husbands avenging their murdered wives, but watching a movie about a woman who kills dogs for fun gives me pause. I won’t spoil how Disney handled that element to Cruella’s character but I was so tense about it!

Fun Trivia: A popular myth is that filming was delayed due to Emma Stone dislocating her shoulder at a Spice Girls concert in London, where she fell off her friend’s shoulders in June 2019. Stone later explained that the night before the Spice Girls concert she was running in boots on a wood floor, slipped, and broke her shoulder in two places. She went to the concert with her arm in a sling, and didn’t go in for an x-ray until the next day. Filming was delayed while Stone went to physical therapy.

My Rating: I keep going back and forth in my mind about whether this is a 4 or a 4.5, I need something in between those two. But for now, it’s a solid 4.5 circular slices of banana stuck to Estella’s face.

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