No Time to Die (2021)

no-time-to-die-movie-review-poster-2021Director: Cary Joji Fukunaga

Genre: Action, Adventure, Thriller

Runtime: 163 Minutes

Main Cast: Daniel Craig, Ana de Armas, Rami Malek, Léa Seydoux, Lashana Lynch, Ralph Fiennes, Ben Wishaw, Naomie Harris, Rory Kinnear, Jeffrey Wright, Billy Magnussen, Christoph Waltz

Plot: James Bond (Daniel Craig) has left active service and is trying to enjoy a peaceful life, a dream short-lived when his old friend Felix (Jeffrey Wright) shows up asking for his help. Bond’s mission to rescue a kidnapped scientist becomes more and more complicated by the minute.

My Thoughts: It actually feels quite surreal to be writing about No Time to Die. It’s been a full two years of watching the trailer and after the movie’s release got pushed back time and time again, it’s finally here and the cinemas are full. It’s wonderful! I’m not going to pretend to be a Bond fan, I’ve seen all of the Daniel Craig Bond movies but only once. I think they’re alright! I enjoy them plenty but it’s not a franchise I get excited about. Still, this last weekend has seen cinemas fuller than ever, I didn’t even get close to my usual parking spot right opposite the front door!

I wish I’d at least made an effort to rewatch Spectre (2015) before the last installment because there are a lot of ties to that movie that I completely forgot about. Still, I enjoyed No Time to Die, despite its almost 3 hours runtime that was unnecessary. The action scenes were as great as you would expect them to be, and despite Daniel Craig’s age he’s still completely believable as the agile Bond, and rocks a suit just as well as he always has. Best dressed has to be awarded to Ana de Armas though, hands down!

The ending was bittersweet, I have to say. It was an ending that I expected, and it was well executed for sure (I didn’t think I would be shedding tears over a Bond flick) but it felt a bit deflating at the same time, if that makes sense. Either way, it’ll be interesting to see what happens next. Who is going to play the next Bond? I’m going to make an effort to rewatch the latest movies, and who knows, maybe I’ll find myself loving the franchise after all.

no-time-to-die-007-lashana-lynch-daniel-craig

Best Bit: I think we all fell in love with the amazing duo of Daniel Craig and Ana de Armas in Knives Out (2019) so it was so great to see them together again on the big screen! Ana didn’t get nearly as much screen time as she deserved. (If my bestie and cinema buddy Steph were here though she would have made me mention Bond’s final outfit choice and how much I appreciated it!)

Worst Bit: I was here for the action, I was NOT here for 3 jump scares within the first half an hour! At least I fared better than the woman to my right who almost knocked my drink out of my hand with how much she jumped at one part…

Fun Trivia: Reportedly, James Bond actor Daniel Craig personally hand-picked Cuban actress Ana de Armas to play Paloma in this Bond movie, after working with her on Knives Out (2019), which first released about only four months before No Time to Die was originally meant to release.

My Rating: 3 and a half sphynx cats which come with fur these days!

no-time-to-die-sphynx-cat

What the Hell Happened in Lady in the Water (2006)?

A couple of weeks ago I felt in the right kind of mood for an M. Night Shyamalan movie, and found myself watching The Happening (review here). Shyamalan gets a lot of hate, and in fairness I’ve mainly watched his better movies, but I’m rapidly finding myself wanting to watch everything he’s done for the hell of it. The Happening was an absolute disaster in more ways than one, but you guys, it was so much fun to watch and make fun of.

lady-in-the-water-review-2006When I reviewed it for the blog, some of you mentioned Lady in the Water, telling me it was even worse. You realise what you set in motion in that moment, right? I had to watch it!

It took me 2 days, and 3 sitting to actually get through it, it was actually that bad. There were times I wanted to call it quits, but I stuck with it for the sake of the blog. I can’t write a review I’m afraid, mainly because I’m still not sure what actually happened in front of my eyes, but for my own sake (and yours) I’m going to try and explain what happened. Spoilers ahead, but you’re not missing out on much!

The movie opens with a stick man explanation of the people who live in the water world, watching over us land folk, until we got greedy and forgot about them. Every now and again they send their water kids to our world, but most of them get eaten by wolves. Um, okay.

Then we see a stuttering Paul Giamatti, the only maintenance man in a huge apartment complex, talking with his pool cleaner about how dirty it is. It’s almost like there’s someone living there, eh, eh?

Bingo. Bryce Dallas Howard is the lady in the water. Giamatti tries to take her outside, but they get attacked by a grass wolf. Stay with me now, this isn’t even that weird yet.

lady-in-the-water-scrunt-grass-wolf

It’s called a Scrunt apparently, which sounds like the world’s worst Pokemon to me.

I don’t remember how, but we somehow learn her name is Story, and she is a Narf. I guess Narfs are the people from the water world, but what a terrible name.

It just so happens that one of the resident’s mothers knows all about the story of the Narfs, which is super lucky, but to convince this old lady to tell him the story, Giamatti has to convince her that he is actually a child (?!) and finds himself sat on her sofa with a milk mustache. No innuendo, I swear.

It turns out that Story is trying to find the ‘chosen one’ who’s a writer, leading Giamatti on a goose chase around the building. He meets a grumpy film critic, a group of rowdy lads, a crossword puzzle loving Jeffrey Wright and his son who reads cereal boxes, and a dude who only works out his right side of his body. Oh! And Mr M. Night Shyamalan himself, who’s writing a Cookbook that has nothing to do with cooking. Right.

I’m being way too detailed here, let’s speed things up a bit.

Old lady says that for Story to get home, they need a Guardian, a Healer, a Translator, a something else (I forgot) and a Guild.

The Translator turns out to be the puzzle fan’s kid, who stares at a cupboard of cereal to work out they need to perform a ceremony.

lady-in-the-water-boy-reads-cereal

I really wasn’t kidding about the cereal you guys…

The Healer is some other lady who sees butterflies everywhere by the pool.

The Guild is the group of lads, who decide the best way to get Story home is to throw a huge party for the grumpy film critic.

Cue party time, and suddenly about 200 people live in this weird complex.

There’s a band, and them playing is crucial to the ceremony apparently, but they aren’t paying attention, and getting someone to go and tap them on the shoulder is out of the question for some reason.

The grass wolf has managed to find his way into the complex at this point, and ends up eating the film critic after he does this weird speech. Does Shyamalan hate critics? I bet he did after releasing this movie. Maybe he saw it coming, and just didn’t care.

lady-in-the-water-guardian-strong-arm

Turns out this guy saves the day in the end. By staring at the grass wolf.

I just lost it at this point, seriously. A giant eagle flies overhead and takes Story away, and then the credits rolled.

WHAT. THE. HELL. YOU. GUYS.

Dare I ask, has M. Night Shyamalan made anything worse than this? I need to know, just in case I have a sudden lapse in judgement and find myself with nothing better to watch on a Sunday night.